dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
