i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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