Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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