Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
