You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
