Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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