Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
