dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
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I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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