Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You ruined the universe
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
