OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
