dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
