my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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