Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
