Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We smell like vodka and hangover
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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