if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
