They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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