I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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