btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
