alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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