i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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