I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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