Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
