I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
