why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
