So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
