What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
