we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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