Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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