I cannot find my penis.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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