I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
