So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
