Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
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Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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