butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
