It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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