There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
