Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
