So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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