i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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