I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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