You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
