why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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