turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
