I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
