You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
