I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
