I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
