I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
