Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
