so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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