I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
