My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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