You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
