Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
