i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
