Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
