you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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