Fuck appropriateness.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
