Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night