just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
