Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
