she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
