I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize