Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
