At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
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I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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