walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
