I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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