He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
