Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
